3 Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.

Psalm 127
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.

1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to[a] those he loves.

3 Children are a heritage from the LORD,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.
By now If I know you personally you have likely learned that James and I have learned we are pregnant with our fourth child. WOW I know! It is a miracle of sense, both he and I have been told by numerous doctors for varying reasons that Children would either not be possible or would be hard to conceive. To some effect this has been true, our son and oldest daughter are 7 years apart and again our two daughters are six years apart. Each of those sets of years spent with long nights of doubt and confusion, "why not us , Lord" and pleading prayer. There is an emptiness that I can't explain that comes with infertility, (whether it is secondary or always so). For me as a woman having children is a fundamental part of who I am. Personally a mother is who I have always believed I was created to be, though I went to college it was never my intention to have a career outside the home. From my earliest thoughts on who I was going to be as woman and in Christ. I was always a mother... and I believed that I would have a large family.
TJ is a product of my first marriage to my high school sweetheart. Tim is a good man. I still struggle sometimes with our choice to divorce especially as Tim Jr has gotten older. The Lord has blessed us both in spite of it with wonderful spouses so much better suited to us.
My marriage to James began with me having my son, and of course for the time between those two marriages I never thought of any other man except my little boy. Still there were days I longed for my dreams of my youth..eventually James and I met and married. I immediately wanted to start a family.. to no avail
So, as weeks and months of trying to become pregnant turned into years, I became discontented with my home. My job, my calling. You see, the emptiness is a kind of broken. That is what I felt, broken, less than. Not a whole woman. I wanted my husband to leave, after all, I couldn't give him a family.
Just before I became pregnant with our first daughter Adalena. My husband said two things to me that i will remember until I die, "Crystal you are a mother, you take care of our son, and so many more. One of the best things about you is that you are so self sacrificing for others." I don't know it is true but it did give me the emotional hug I needed. And, " I married you because I love you and T, not because I need children of my own, if we never have kids I will be okay with that, too."
He was, he never never stopped caring how I felt but he reminded me that we were together and that was what mattered.
In 2004 my mother in law planned a trip to Disney for us and James' brother family. I hadn't been feeling well and made a doctors appointment , it was only the day we were supposed to leave to go to Disney, Everyone except James I and I went ahead to keep the reservations. We went to the doctors appointment, where it was confirmed I was pregnant! We followed everyone to Florida where I spent a blessed joyous miserable nauseous week in the Florida July heat!!! Adalena was born the following February.
In the next six years , we tried again for another baby, and we conceived, and lost a baby.... we would wait three months or so and try again , only to become pregnant and again loose the baby.This same even took place year after year... By the time I became pregnant with Belle,in 2009, I fully expected to loose her. It's sad that I didn't have more faith than that, but I truly allowed my fear to control me. She stuck though and I carried her to term Praise GOD! In spite of a tumor in my uterus - that had lead to a multiple pregnancy being just her at the end of nine months. Belle. named for my beloved Nanny.... I thought would satisfy my longing to fill my husband quiver with many Arrows, only strengthen the desire. However I honestly believed she would be our last child. I have spent the last year and half, filled with focus. Belle had been on an apnea monitor for the first six months after she was born, I nursed her and because of those two things she never left my side. With her constantly there, came a focus to bring my home into a sustainable and manageable order, a focus to teach my children at home, to give them strength and purpose in the Lord and in the world.
James was laid of in June and I suppose that in the circling of the wagons I didn't think to consider that with my returned cycle would come too, possible fertility. Why would I though.I had from experience six years of trying at least, to become pregnant again, no such thing as an accidental pregnancy in the K's household.
Boy, that was a crazy month. TJ accepted Christ, James baptized him in the in law's pool on his thirteenth birthday and in the same week (best guess) God moved in a big and powerful way on our family. This little part of a big family. James and I have given God control of our resources and our reproduction, for a lot of reasons(i will post those later) had one of the biggest and most amazing surprises of our lives, WE WERE PREGNANT and we hadn't even been trying! That may not seem like a big deal to some of you, however after reading to this point I hope you can see that to us it is tremendous and proof positive that we are blessed beyond measure by a loving and gracious Father. one who would save our oldest son, and give us another child, just because He loves us.